Being a "_______" Child...

Published on October 4, 2005 By ----- In Life Journals

Definition: Link

According to the definition, i would be a "bastard child". Born out of wed-lock. And raised by a sister and single mother. I never had an ideal father. The closest was my second stepfather who was a loud, alcoholic, pornaholic, drug user...(not medicinal) My mother truly loved him, at first glance he was her "knight in shining armour", galant and charming...Then, he shed his shroud and revealed the true him... My mother still loved him, she knew their was the real him, past all of his problems...there would be her 'golden rose'... Sadly, this never came to be...and what relationship ended on a cold april morning...as he came home drunk, you can guess the rest...
My relationship with him was the strongest out of all three 'father figures'... I like him, but i was still cautious... He and i bonded well, and he helped me through a tough november, having lost my two cats and my 'best friend' , my 16 year old dog missy (red healer/dingo mix)... There was never any doubt where my loyalties laid when 'all hell broke loose', i shed my bond, taking my mothers side in the turmoil... It was a said time for my mother...
My first father (yes i realize i am out of order) was... "difficult"...for lack of a better term... and i took what he dealt, i stood up to him once. The end result was me being half way across the room. Never confronted him again. The relationship with my first stepfather may seem trivial to those who have had equal, if not worse relationships with their fathers, or other relatives...Other than that, I won't go into detail because i don't want people to start with their "you're whining and pining" BS.
Now, my third 'father figure' (never really accepted him as a "step father", was, egotistical man, (alcoholic, etc...) he boasted, both privately and in front of my mother, stating that she was his "B" (you fill in the rest) That she would clean house, etc... for him...pretty much do anything...boy, was he wrong... especially after he cheated with another woman (who he ended up marrying) My relationship was limited to when i *was* at his home, i didn't care for him. At all. For the most part i was by myself, or with either one of his kids, his son who is 3 years younger than i, and his daughter who is 3 months younger than i. Both are very nice. But have had (IMO, and they 'slightly' agree) the unfortunate luck, to end up with a father like theirs...

Now, onto my real father... Who until a while back, i knew little to nothing about... There always was that 'missing link' inside me, growing up without my *real* dad, their was no father substitute really... (You could say i was a giant jig saw puzzle, and he was the missing piece) But, when i did meet him...and the other, few, siblings.... i was disappointed... He was/wasn't what i thought he would be... Perhaps in my heart i felt he would be more...noble/gallant (I seemed to have let my heart rule)... but he turned out to be nothing but a cowardly, sinister, slob... and my siblings, were...likewise...but on a lesser degree...
As you may have read recently..., my father fled... I've always known he was a con man/criminal... But perhaps it was that las 'glimmer of hope' in that he would change his ways and redeem himself, that ultimatley made me feel like i was torn apart when he told me bluntly, that he wanted nothing to do with me... No matter how hard i tried to sway him...nothing... Then, he fled... My siblings on that side are a whole other story...

Ciao!

-Lucas

Comments

Texas Wahine

on Oct 04, 2005

A child born out of wedlock.
Something that is of irregular, inferior, or dubious origin.

Lucas, do you really consider yourself a "bastard" with all the connotations that carries? You had a rough upbringing. While technically the term fits, it's a cruel thing to label yourself.

I wasn't married when I had my first child. I would take offense...gah, more than that...I'd be enraged...if someone were to call him a "bastard". He had no choice in any of that. If anyone should be labeled it should be myself and my husband (or your father and your mother)...not the child.

Reserve the word "bastard" for assholes who deserve to be called mean names.

-----

on Oct 04, 2005

Well, according to the first part "a childe born out of wedlock"...i would be, but i don't think that i'm that irregular, inferior, or of dubious origin...but, i'll leave that to others...

Any way, I agree that the term is...cruel. My upbringing, i think, was unique (not superior) and no worries, i will reserve the word for those people...

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